Polito chimes in that I need to get a wiggle on to get the elevators working but warns me that XERXES is now under ‘their’ control – I’m not really sure how the situation could get more fucked up really – then XERXES cuts her off and tells me it’s time, basically, join the collective. So, engineering has become flooded with radiation, which isn’t great for me seeing as I have the constitution of a jelly sandwich and I doubt ‘strange readings’ can be contributed to static on the radio. The finding of the severed arm goes hand in hand (no pun intended) with a couple of audio files – ‘strange readings’ coming from engineering and ‘concerns’ over radiation leaks – I suppose it was too much to hope that the ship was powered by fizzy sherbets and jawbreakers. Fucking hell, this isn’t going to be fun at all. Naturally, the first thing I see when arriving in the bowels of the ship is a severed arm and a wine bottle. Get to the core, flick the ‘on’ button and ride the elevator to victory. That shit can fuck clean off – no monkeys, no running around looking for Curly, Moe and Larry. This should be fairly straightforward and won’t require another round of ‘whose keycard is it anyway’ with Doctor Dickface and his pack of Ebola monkeys. My mission is a simple one – get to the engineering core and restore main power so that the elevators work again and I can get to Deck 4. After defeating the giant metal bitch that looked like Bender had fucked SpongeBob Squarepants, I made my way down the ladder to the lower decks. I’m on the Engineering deck and I’ve completely lost my sense of direction after having my ass filled with buckshot by some sneaky hybrid cockwomble – it was going fine until literally a few minutes ago, so perhaps we should take a step back and reassess just what the fuck happened.

Just not even a little bit lost – totally fucking lost.

Xerxes system shock 2